Just What Am I doing?

Apathy..hmm a word that really is a kill joy in every arena.   Webster defines it as: lack of interest, lack of enthusiasm.  So when we put apathetic in the same sentence with Christianity we automatically have a problem.  I have heard sermon after sermon on being an apathetic Christian and yet I still fall prey to that behavior on a regular basis.  I am hear today to write out loud as to why I think I am a chronic apathetic Christian.  Wow that was a big admission for you all to read.  We all deal with it and yet we can't seem to (as Bob Newhart puts it) "just stop it".  I am doing a Bible study this summer titled "The Well".  It's basic idea is that we all have holes that we gather water from but we don't draw from the Well himself  Jesus Christ.  I have a had a lack of interest in this study even though I know I need it and I can grow from it.  This weeks chapter deals with the hole of control.  Now don't get me wrong I love control, but I don't thrive on it like I used to.  The older I get I realize how little control I have or even want... so I realized today that I have the control to open the book and read the scripture Acts 27 along with the chapter.  Acts 27 deals with Paul becoming shipwrecked on his way to Rome for his trial.  He is sailing as a prisoner.  He gives advise to the captain of the ship to stay at port in Crete or we will shipwreck and lose all of our cargo...the captain does not listen and they indeed become shipwrecked on a small island.  The chapter is a blow by blow  description of the storm.  As I read this story I think Paul had every right to be apathetic on this journey.  He was most likely headed to a death sentence.  Not Paul...he was living the adventure by caring for other captives and his captors.  He was calm but not apathetic.....He knew who was in control and never once did he  focus on himself.  So just what am I doing????  I am apathetic because the focus remains on me!!!!!!!  I mope around and think about me and me and some more of me.  I really need to realize that I am headed toward Heaven with each day and that is not a death sentence, but a life sentence...eternal life with Christ...how can I lose interest in that...A little bit of truth....painful huh????  I  live through storms and just everyday life can get old, but when I learn to take the focus off myself and put it on the Well himself I suddenly gain purpose again..I never really lose purpose I just lose sight of it when the mirror of life shows only my reflection.  When I am stuck in front of a mirror all day I am completely non productive...so I am going to start breaking some mirrors around here and get busy about my Father's business.  My baby Molly just called me and was enjoying her babies sitting outside in the sun and was missing me...I miss her too everyday.  What a lovely picture for me to think on for the rest of the day.  Thank you Lord your timing is always perfect...I am officially declaring war on apathy within me and my house....get behind me Satan!!!