Welcome to " I MISS MY KIDS"

I am finally falling captive to the blogger craze. I hope
to be an encourager to those of us who have
entered mid life and all that comes with it.
Jesus is the answer...
We just have to stay focused on him.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Casting All Of My Cares???

Well I am officially behind.  Mondays are my blog days and here it is already Tuesday.  Better late than never huh??
I am doing a Bible Study by Waylon B Moore.  The title is "Living God's Word"  It's basically about learning to apply God's word in my life.  This study places a lot of emphasis on memorization of scripture of which I am horrible at.  I should really say I choose not to be good at it.  For years I have retained all the great rock songs of the 70's and I mean word for word remembering.  I could totally win "Name That Tune"  For those of you who are wondering what is she talking about...what show??..what year??...whatever...the point I am trying to make is that I wish I had chosen to take scripture that seriously.  I chose to follow Christ in my late teen years so I was kind of new to the whole Christian walk thing as I was busy listening to all that wonderful pop music.  I still shudder as I occasionally hear "One Tin Soldier"  those words are awful and I still know them by heart.  Ladies God's word changes the heart..I am finally choosing to memorize scripture.  The verse for this week is I Peter 5:7..Casting all your care upon him, because he cares about you.  That verse jumped out at me and I pondered on it for a long time into the night (sleeping issues).  Really grabbing a hold of "because he cares about me"  Does it mean that if I don't cast my cares upon him He doesn't care about me..thank heavens ..no!  The word because changes everything. The privilege of casting my cares upon him is simply that.  We can cast our cares upon him BECAUSE he cares for us already.  He wants my cares...imagine that..wanting someones problems.  I like to think I can help people with their problems..but I don't know if casting them on me is something I can really do.  When you cast a fishing rod you cast it far away only to bring it back when the line snags a fish.  God wants me to cast my cares like the line.  He does not want me reeling them back in when I hit a snag that paralyzes me.  Imagine casting your cares to him and he like the fish grabs the care(bait) and snaps the line and we never carry that burden again.  Right...easier said than done..I live there.  I cast but I make sure that line is attached in case God can't handle it.  I reel it back time and time again and it gets heavier every time.  In verse 5 of that same chapter it says ...God resists the proud,but gives grace to the humble".  So here we go again it is a pride thing to continually keep my cares.  I am assuming God can't, but I can.. fix it that is.  Will I ever get it????  My daughter is in the midst of trying to sell her house..asap.  My great words of wisdom.."Molly God is in control.  Let him have this burden.  I find myself hanging up the phone and saying to myself "man how in the world is that house going to sell?"   My other daughter Angel called me today with similar issues.  I actually prayed for her right away.  She said to me " it's like putting your faith into practice..huh? "   Well at least I made one good cast today.  Sorry Molly..your mama may have a few flaws.  I am still learning to cast and I am still learning to be humble enough to let go of the line when it snags.  Ladies I challenge you to memorize I Peter 5:5-7.  When those burdens arise quote this over and over again...it is absolute freedom!!
My week started today as my little Piper was at home with her mama Friday and Monday.  Tuesday couldn't get here fast enough.  She is the joy of my day.  She got her ears pierced on Saturday..she looks fabulous...I am so blessed to be able to be a part of her life.  When the cares of my world get heavy I look at Piper and know that she holds the key.  She trusts me for all of her needs when she is here.  She doesn't think about it she just does it.  I want to be like Piper...as a child casting all my cares upon Him.  Thanks Erica..see I learn from  Piper all the time!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Leaving Deep Footprints

I was able to spend a wonderful weekend in the mountains of North Carolina this past weekend.  I used to attend this particular ladies retreat way back when I was first married.  As I drove around the beautiful facility I was reminded of all of the different buildings I had stayed in through the years.  That little ride down memory lane also sparked the spiritual journey I had traveled on through the years at the annual " Ladies Retreat ".  The first retreat I attended was when my daughter was only four months old.  I left her feeling totally guilty.  I met another mom at the retreat that had her four month old with her...she was nursing...guilt again.  I proceeded to hear from God that weekend and came home changed for a time.  I attended many more retreats and for the life of me I can't really remember a lot of life changing moments that lasted from those retreats.  So back to this weekend's retreat I decided that I was going to really seek the Lord during all of the meetings and come home changed.  The theme of the weekend was leaving footprints for others that come behind us.  The theme of the year for our Alliance Women has been " On the Move ".  We had a mother and daughter  team  that spoke from their experiences.  They have both been missionaries to foreign countries for years.  I really liked the mom and all she had to say.  She was older and chubby and took life not so seriously.  It was obvious she loved the Lord and depended on him for life in general.  She spoke during the last meeting of the weekend.  She spoke about being still and resting in God.  I feel like I spend a lot of time being still (physically that is)..but I don't spend a lot of time resting in God.  Really being still and listening for that small quite voice.  Not worrying about every little thing.  One statement that was made by another missionary was "worrying is momentary atheism".  I have been trying to process "being still and not worrying" together as a something I really want to put into practice in my life.  She quoted Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence...,"  I don't think my soul ever waits in complete silence.  Palms 46:10 states"Be still and know that I am God"...so....being still gives me a chance to know God..awesome.  " Lord help me to be still".  I really want to know you.
On a lighter side the highlight of my weekend was spending time with my dear friend Cindy.  We laughed and laughed had wonderful adventures and grew in God together.  I was thinking back over past retreats and realized "ladies retreat" is the key.  I may not remember every spiritual truth but I still cherish the friendships that were created during all of those weekends.  Friendships that were bonded in tears and laughter and making commitments to the Lord together.  I believe women need women and it's during those retreat weekends that women learn to know that it's okay not to be perfect..we all relate somehow in our womanhood.  I spent Saturday night laughing and sharing with two women who are my daughter's age.  We hung out until 3:00 in the morning.  I spent time with my sisters from my former church.  God encouraged me with their fellowship that I have missed so much.  Laughing and sharing into the night will keep that bond alive.  God is good!!  I love Ladies Retreat!!
So bringing all of this together.  Through the years there have been women who left deep footprints of faith and encouragement to me during those short little weekends.  I came home being encouraged by spiritual giants...  My hope and prayer is I will step up and down firm into the life of another woman.  That I will leave a footprint of encouragement and happy laughter in the Lord.  Lord you are so good...let that be the deep foundation in all of my steps as I walk this journey with you.

P.S. Molly you are still my favorite retreat roomie..I love you baby and miss you much!

Monday, April 11, 2011

I am refusing...okay???

I know a day behind almost....Well as I ponder this past week I find myself growing everyday...and I don't mean more spiritual...I am gaining weight like crazy!.  For those of you who know me you remember I lost a whole bunch of weight a little over a year ago.  I lost over 70 lbs. and was thrilled to be back into a size 14 and on a good day a size 12.  I breathed a big sigh of relief and thought this is it I have arrived at a healthy weight.  Are you kidding me I was looking hot and I felt every bit good about it.  I attributed my weight loss to a stomach issue that forbade me to eat what I liked and therefore I lost weight.  I gave all the credit to God for allowing me to have the stomach issue thus he got the glory for the weight loss.  Well here we are today heavier and unhappy about it.  I knew I was in trouble last week when I had a doctors visit and the sweet little nurse asked me happily "can you just hop on to these scales?'.  To my complete surprise I said "NO",  "I can't...I mean I am refusing..okay?"  I thought to myself, self you are 52 years old and you don't have to get on those scales if you don't want to.  The nurse again explained to me that they really liked to have a weight recording on every visit and  I told her "and again I am refusing".  As I followed her to the exam room I began to second guess my behavior and I really had to replay my conversation to her to decide if I was rude or not...at the expense of having to get on those scales I decided nope you were within your rights.  I rationalized all the way home as to the reason why I am gaining weight again.  I half way convinced myself it's the menopause spread....no, I miss my kids so I am eating too much....no face it Kelley you have taken back control over issues that you cannot control .  Hmmm do I pray that stomach issue returns???  I have now faced reality..God wants control over all of my life.  I remembered when I was losing weight my focal point was off food and my walk with Jesus was key.  Now I humbly admit my focal point has once again become food and my walk with the Lord seems more distant.  Girls why do I always end up back at this point.  I truly want my walk with Jesus to be second nature.  Like after you have driven a car for years it becomes second nature you don't think about it you just do it.  I have known the Lord for 38 years and still somehow I am having to think about it instead of just doing it.  I love the Lord with all of my heart.  I don't want to just recognize the verse " his mercies are new everyday..," I want to know it to the depths of my heart, mind and soul.  So today I am refusing to follow my heart and my mind and soul..which are as fickle as the day is long.  I am choosing to follow the Holy Spirit which inhabits those places.  He is steadfast and not fickle and he is definitely not hungry 24 hours a day.  Today is all I can promise.  In all of reality really minute by minute on many days.  Jesus loves me this I know.  For the Bible tells me so..this is what I stand on today!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Am I Really Ready????

Well what a weekend I have had.  I started my weekend on Friday with learning the results of my blood work.  I was expecting low thyroid and low Vitamin D levels.  Well of course my thyroid was normal and my vitamin D level was bottomed out, my cholesterol was horrible.  So the fun began.  I was instantly mad at myself for letting my cholesterol get so out of control.  This menopause thing has been trying to say the least.  My Doc being the MAN that he is said" let me add something to help with that anxiety". " Okay"....I am in a fog and say "okay".  After all I do want to feel better.  So Friday night after a heated debate with my husband about absolutely nothing I decided I was stressed and I am going to take the new medicine.  I swallowed that baby about 9:oo pm and by 11:30 pm it was on.  Major brain swooshing and numbness and tingling and heat under the skin...I was having a major reaction!!!  In all of my dysfunction I went into the living room after googling this medication I  couldn't even read the print.  I thought I will handle this on my own I can do this.  My husband lay two doors down asleep and oblivious to my plight.  Hmmmm most women would have called help!!!!  No not me be stoic old girl..you are strong...well after about 45 minutes of this and I was getting worse I finally called for help...not my husband mind you,but the Lord Jesus Christ...I thought I am dying Lord help me!!!I sat and thought I don't want Billy to find me dead in this chair and I don't want to die while Molly is in Toledo (random I know) .  I than really began to think Lord am I really ready to meet you tonight?  Have I accomplished all you have had for me to do?  Can I leave my family,my grand babies?  I cried out to him Lord please help me!  I felt horrible in the flesh,but in my Spirit I was longing for peace in this whole thing.  Again I cried out to him "Lord help me...make this go away"...I began to sense a calm in Spirit...Kelley call for your husband.....Billy was snoring like a freight train and I thought he will never hear me.  I couldn't get up at this point so thank the Lord in my forgetfulness that seems to plague me I forgot to hang up the phone so it sat right next me.  Call him on his cell phone..okay that  was a thought.  I called him and it rang and rang and he had stopped snoring so I called"BILLY"  "huh what"..he came running.  I told him I was having a reaction to some medication...call 911.."okay wait a second I have to go to the bathroom"  are you kidding me call 911 or take me to the emergency room..he walked off.."Lord he is really going to the bathroom" I sat there stunned and then brain swooshing started again.....I made a quick run to the bathroom and then fell into bed.  By this time Billy was dressed and ready to go..he said"do I really need to call 911?"  At this point I am not really functioning with the whole question and answer thing.."can you get dressed"  " I don't think so"  finally all I could say was "you just need to pray for me".  Billy laid hands on me and prayed for healing and clear direction on what we should do.  He stressed that I was in trouble and "Lord please touch her right now"  I immediately begin to feel relief from the funny breathing and some of the tingling.  The waves were coming more slowly and I was beginning to rest.  It was now about 4:00am.  I began to dose on and off and Billy continued to pray for me as we waited...Finally it was beginning to get light outside and I thought as Billy began snoring once again.  I thought Lord I made it....you touched me and I know you have more for me to do.  Hmmm the moral of this story...you got me??  I thought I was at a point of maturity in my spiritual walk...I thought I could just say Lord I am ready to go...The bigger thought has been how I don't rely on my husband the way I should.  He is my protector,my friend,my prayer warrior and I find myself going to him less and less and becoming this woman that needs to be independent...why???  That's what I will dissect this week.  I have a wonderful husband that loves me beyond belief.  His first question to me during the crisis was"why didn't you call me right away".  I am realizing my need for control continues to rob me of a many a blessing. Ahh don't you just love life and all of its twists and turns.  I am better now..no more side effects and no more taking that!!!!.  God never left nor turned away from me during that storm.. Bless his holy name.  I am praying that I will learn to utilize the help-meet he gave me.  Have a fabulous week!