Am I Really Ready????

Well what a weekend I have had.  I started my weekend on Friday with learning the results of my blood work.  I was expecting low thyroid and low Vitamin D levels.  Well of course my thyroid was normal and my vitamin D level was bottomed out, my cholesterol was horrible.  So the fun began.  I was instantly mad at myself for letting my cholesterol get so out of control.  This menopause thing has been trying to say the least.  My Doc being the MAN that he is said" let me add something to help with that anxiety". " Okay"....I am in a fog and say "okay".  After all I do want to feel better.  So Friday night after a heated debate with my husband about absolutely nothing I decided I was stressed and I am going to take the new medicine.  I swallowed that baby about 9:oo pm and by 11:30 pm it was on.  Major brain swooshing and numbness and tingling and heat under the skin...I was having a major reaction!!!  In all of my dysfunction I went into the living room after googling this medication I  couldn't even read the print.  I thought I will handle this on my own I can do this.  My husband lay two doors down asleep and oblivious to my plight.  Hmmmm most women would have called help!!!!  No not me be stoic old girl..you are strong...well after about 45 minutes of this and I was getting worse I finally called for help...not my husband mind you,but the Lord Jesus Christ...I thought I am dying Lord help me!!!I sat and thought I don't want Billy to find me dead in this chair and I don't want to die while Molly is in Toledo (random I know) .  I than really began to think Lord am I really ready to meet you tonight?  Have I accomplished all you have had for me to do?  Can I leave my family,my grand babies?  I cried out to him Lord please help me!  I felt horrible in the flesh,but in my Spirit I was longing for peace in this whole thing.  Again I cried out to him "Lord help me...make this go away"...I began to sense a calm in Spirit...Kelley call for your husband.....Billy was snoring like a freight train and I thought he will never hear me.  I couldn't get up at this point so thank the Lord in my forgetfulness that seems to plague me I forgot to hang up the phone so it sat right next me.  Call him on his cell phone..okay that  was a thought.  I called him and it rang and rang and he had stopped snoring so I called"BILLY"  "huh what"..he came running.  I told him I was having a reaction to some medication...call 911.."okay wait a second I have to go to the bathroom"  are you kidding me call 911 or take me to the emergency room..he walked off.."Lord he is really going to the bathroom" I sat there stunned and then brain swooshing started again.....I made a quick run to the bathroom and then fell into bed.  By this time Billy was dressed and ready to go..he said"do I really need to call 911?"  At this point I am not really functioning with the whole question and answer thing.."can you get dressed"  " I don't think so"  finally all I could say was "you just need to pray for me".  Billy laid hands on me and prayed for healing and clear direction on what we should do.  He stressed that I was in trouble and "Lord please touch her right now"  I immediately begin to feel relief from the funny breathing and some of the tingling.  The waves were coming more slowly and I was beginning to rest.  It was now about 4:00am.  I began to dose on and off and Billy continued to pray for me as we waited...Finally it was beginning to get light outside and I thought as Billy began snoring once again.  I thought Lord I made it....you touched me and I know you have more for me to do.  Hmmm the moral of this story...you got me??  I thought I was at a point of maturity in my spiritual walk...I thought I could just say Lord I am ready to go...The bigger thought has been how I don't rely on my husband the way I should.  He is my protector,my friend,my prayer warrior and I find myself going to him less and less and becoming this woman that needs to be independent...why???  That's what I will dissect this week.  I have a wonderful husband that loves me beyond belief.  His first question to me during the crisis was"why didn't you call me right away".  I am realizing my need for control continues to rob me of a many a blessing. Ahh don't you just love life and all of its twists and turns.  I am better now..no more side effects and no more taking that!!!!.  God never left nor turned away from me during that storm.. Bless his holy name.  I am praying that I will learn to utilize the help-meet he gave me.  Have a fabulous week!