In The Valley

Well I am here..Can you believe it??  I don't really need a answer.  I am glad to report I am alive and well and I have actually missed the blogging craze.

You may think the title of my blog will include this huge valley I have been in and how I have managed to survive.  I have not been in a valley but I have been a pit dweller ever since my trip to MT.  The trip was great and I loved every minute with my family and my husband's week of teaching was great.  Thank the Lord 12 kids accepted Jesus as their Lord and Saviour.  The pit dwelling came before we left.  I didn't realize until today that I was actually pit dwelling instead of being in a valley.  The Friday we left for MT my husband's work van was stolen right out of our driveway.  The van was recovered a few hours later without my husband's tools.  Every last one was gone.  Thirty years of adding to and collecting for his livelihood gone...Hmm really Lord right on the day we are to leave for MT (a trip involving ministry)???  I am not getting it at the moment.  We move forward to Friday afternoon and as I am checking in for our flight for the early am I have encountered a huge snag....YOUR FLIGHT HAS BEEN CANCELED...CONTACT THE AIRLINES....really Lord... a hail storm in Denver...49 planes damaged...10 days out with flights...the second scoop of the shovel into my pit.  As I was waiting on hold for 1 1/2 to find out what we could do about our flight I begin to pray....Lord I can deal with the flight and I can even deal with the possibility of not going to MT...but the stolen van is hard to deal with.  As I am waiting for the super nice airline rep. to find a solution to our dilemma I begin to see the Lord working things out and I feel peace that we will get to MT in a timely manner.  Frontier airline reps are the best.  I shelved the stolen van incident for another day.  The enemy continued to fire darts at us all week and we weathered all of that ( that is a story for another day).  A week later as we were traveling home I began to think of all that was waiting for us at home...mainly things to do with the van.  I also began to sense a new fear creeping in ever so quietly.  I was so bent on this becoming a valley that Lord would walk me through...problem is I stopped walking...I got stuck.  You know feeling sorry for us and being afraid to go home.  My friend Cindy prayed for me one night for protection and to come against that spirit of fear...it worked for a little bit..until I decided to go deeper into the pit and rely on me instead of Him.  Our Pastor is doing a series on Psalm 23.  We were on vs 4..you know "though I walk through the valley...,  I won't be afraid...your rod and staff comfort me..."  I thought boy I have been in a valley...whew glad the Lord showed me that.....no the Lord showed me I have not been walking I have laid down and acted like I was finished.  I have not allowed his rod and staff to comfort me.  I have not allowed his presence to give me comfort..I have been hanging out in the pit.  The epiphany I had was when Pastor said there is always a valley in between two mountains.  It's in the valleys that we gain strength to get to the next mountain top.  I have been leaving out the moving part of the verse.  I am so thankful I have a Pastor that allows the Lord to put motion to the Word.  I appreciate the challenge God's Word provides in my life to keep me moving.  Don't get me wrong..I have not been depressed, but I have been just kind of walking in a fog...not really seeing all that God has been trying to teach me.  I also read in I Peter that the trials only last for  awhile and then He restores us... Restore now there's a word of hope... I have a lot of friends and family that have been in deep valleys and are trying to move through.  There is that mountain on the other side.  I think we only think we see Jesus on the mountain like Moses...but Jesus never leaves or forsakes us and that means in the valleys and the pits ladies.  God does not give us a shovel to dig a pit,but he gives us His hand to lead us through the valley...Being in the House Of The Lord has been awesome today and I am thankful for the valleys..so ladies keep on moving.  You know another thing about valleys is that  they are green and lush so we can gain rest as well as strength...I am so thankful God knows me through and through and He still loves me and still tells me "come on Kelley let's hold hands and I will take you through..even if you want to sit down and quit...God is great!!!

On a lighter note I get to start keeping my sweet Piper tomorrow.  She brings such joy to me and I can't wait to spoil her rotten...well maybe not rotten(just kidding Erica).....What a great way to start my week.

Filling In The Gaps

Okay okay I admit it...I stink at blogging faithfully...I am still here just really busy or slow or I don't really know what...but I am here

I have been pondering lately about all of the changes in my life.  Growing up and getting married and living for 32 years to that husband of mine, watching my kids grow up and leave my nest and starting nests of their own and so on and so on.  At  times I reflect in awe of all that God has done in my life and other times I reflect in sadness at all the losses I feel at times.  Sometimes loss brings change and sometimes loss brings about a new way of living.  The two may sound the same but for me sometimes change is a negative and a new way of living is just that.  A new way of living!  Which is a positive.  I over think everything I am sure.  Just when I think life is really hard at 52 God shows me how he really fills in all the gaps.  I was talking with a dear friend of mine or should I say chatting on line.  This friend Theresa and I met in choir and she has remained one of my dearest friends.  She moved away almost two years ago and I thought oh no what a loss.  I have missed her laughter and our 2 hour long phones calls and our heart to hearts over many things.  I have missed praying with her over just about everything.  When she moved I thought I am not going to get through this...but I did.  She was also the leader in our ladies trio so another loss....it was change with a negative.  As we were chatting I realized hey I did survive and God has filled in every gap.  We welcomed a new member to our group a little over a year ago.  I love Viv and all she brings to the table...is she Theresa?  No... is she a new way of living... yes....which is positive.  Viv brings a whole new beginning to what I thought was lost.  My friendship with Theresa has taken on a new look.  Our friendship is deeply rooted in Christ so it will not end.  God filled in another gap with my friend Cindy(who is my worst blogger bugger).  I met Cindy years ago and God told me in a very real way that we would be great friends one day.  Several years later that too came to pass.  We have laughed together and cried together and continue to pray with each other.  Is she Theresa ...no....is she a new way of living...yes..

When the Lord moved my kids away especially my daughter Molly(you know mamas and daughters) I thought I am not going to make it..it was a great loss too,but God in his mercy brought along Pam who is young enough to be my daughter but is like my BFF with babies.  Seth and Brenna call me Lita.  It's awesome..Is Pam Molly?...no..she has become a new way of living for me.  I don't think God replaces those special people in our lives,but he fills in the gaps that seem like huge pits to me.  It's in those gaps that I grow.  We recently returned to our home church of 33 years.  We were called to another smaller church that I simply fell in love with.  We ministered there for about 3 years and God called us back home.  Both moves were really hard but leaving my little church was painful.  I miss my dear sisters there.  When we returned to our home church what a blessing God has had in store for us.  All the gaps I felt are being filled in one at a time....It has been a time of deep learning and giving up of my comfort zone..which can be painful, but ahh so necessary.  I am deeply grateful for all the people God has brought into my life and I know things will continue to change..but I know God is my gap filler and Oh how he loves you and me.

Saying Goodbye

Hello Ladies........

  I know I know it's been forever.  I was away visiting my kids in MT and life continues to escape me daily.  I had a wonderful time in MT.  I got to spend a lot of extra time with my grandson Hudson.  He is a replica of my son Paul.  At four years old he is all boy and funny.  We took a hike one day all around the camp and when we arrived back home I said" Mercy I'm hot"  and Hudson replied " Lita who's Mercy"  I just love those babies!!!!

As I write this my daughter is getting ready to pull out from MT and begin her new journey to Ohio for a brand new ministry.  She has been swamped for the last two weeks with packing,dinners,and goodbyes..I talked with her yesterday and she was dreading that night as she would have to say goodbye to her brother and his wife and kids.  My heart did a flip and I immediately could identify.  I thought back as I ended our conversation to all of the goodbyes I have said in my life.  I moved every three years of my life as a child and I got to the point that I refused to say goodbye to some of the many friends I left behind.  It was harder every time we arrived at a new place to make friends as I was sure just to say goodbye in the next couple of years.  When I arrived in good ole NC little did I know this would be home for the next 35 years.  I had gotten out of the habit of having to say goodbye on  a regular basis.  Then my kids began leaving home one by one and here we go again.  Believe it or not those have gotten easier.  I think it is because I have a home base.  I am the one getting to stay.  I used to be so envious of my friends that got to stay.

All of that to say this. My Pastor just finished up a series in the book of Daniel.  We have talked for weeks of the soon return of Christ.  I was thinking am I ready to say goodbye to this world for my heavenly home?  Most of us would say yes, of course, are you crazy?.  I was thinking of having to say goodbye to some of my family that doesn't know him and to friends that I am not quite sure about.  All of those goodbyes in a twinkling of an eye?  Not so easy now huh?  Don't get me wrong I am but a passer by-er in this world.  As it says in I Peter 2:15-17 we are not to love this world nor the things that it offers...this world is fading away and all the things that people crave along with it,but it has become my home base and I am comfortable here most of the time..that's my point I don't want to be comfortable here anymore.  I want the urgency of my family coming to know him to burn deep in my heart.  I want to be able to say I am going to love that big goodbye to this world because it will be one big hello to those I love for all of eternity.  How ready are you to say goodbye?  A lot of food for thought.  Let's pray for a new hunger to see people come to Christ...the big goodbye might just be around the corner....you know in a twinkling of an eye.

Love you all.  Safe traveling Molly!

Why do I do what I do???

It has been too long since I have taken time to blog my thoughts..is that the right term??

Oh well I am here now.  I guess I have been thinking about what I would share this time around..I over thought it and didn't write anything.  Does life ever get easier?  I say that with humor laced with a bit of sarcasm.  I think drama seems to seep into my life like an unnoticed dripping faucet that suddenly overflows when the drain accidentally gets stuck in the shut position when you are cleaning (actually happened to me recently).  I think that Satan attacks women with drama from all sides.  We seem to thrive on a good problem even if it's not ours.  They start out as little drips of information that we entertain as prayer requests or trying to give advice to friends and family that desperately need a listening ear.  I soon become that overflowing sink of drips of drama that I know God must want me to take on and help fix . I am now aware that the stuck position of my drain is my inability to actually give God the problem let it go down the drain of prayer in a flowing movement.  I think I like to close the drain and really dwell on the drama and let it get a little stagnant and then I say "oh by the way Lord can you (fill in the blank)?  My husband swears I go and look for problems and drama.  Of course I totally resemble that remark.  I grew up in a  dysfunctional home I claim to always work better in a pinch.  I learned after becoming a Christian that God wanted me to go to him and to rest in peace within all of those hard times.  I have learned to do that but now I suddenly have realized that I like to wallow in drama of any kind.....maybe I am addicted.. I had a situation that came up this week in which my friend needed some prayer and a listening ear.  I really prayed that God would give me sound advice for my friend.  I asked a simple question "why do you borrow every one's drama?".  As I was pointing my finger of course the ole adage I saw three fingers pointing back in my direction became like a beacon of light coming through the clouds.  I could see she was exhausted from carrying those burdens in a "dark cloud" so to speak.  Her heart is totally in the right place she just hasn't learned not to adopt all of that drama into her fold.  I totally claim that as well.  I told her what  I thought the Lord had for her.  I prayed for her and let it go and told her to walk away as well.   What a feeling of freedom. As I said earlier I feel completely honored when God chooses me to be a listening ear...I have forgotten to let go let God handle the final outcome (because He will anyway).  Satan will use anything to destroy my relationship with Jesus.  What better way than to keep me sinking in drama that I can't fix.  I can dog paddle all day long..but dog paddling in mud...no..besides why should I dog paddle when I can just rest and float as well.  Now do not use this blog as a reason not to share with me (you know who you are)....I can't stress enough what a privilege it is to have friends to share with and to pray with I am just learning to continually give him all areas of my life and this is one of them.  He is constantly allowing me to be tested in this area.  I have taken on a lot of my daughter's worries and found out today how I was making it all about me.  She told me in a short tone to stop it and to accept God's plan for her life...well...that hurt my feelings, but once again God was in it and said "do you think you are getting this?".  It is midnight and I think I am getting it.  Lord I really want to get it...honest....  I wouldn't change my role as a woman for anything it's this dying to self that's hard..because I have to do it everyday!  God is good over and over again.  I am going to float on that.

P.S. to my baby I am sorry and I love you.  Thanks for being tough with your Mama

Casting All Of My Cares???

Well I am officially behind.  Mondays are my blog days and here it is already Tuesday.  Better late than never huh??

I am doing a Bible Study by Waylon B Moore.  The title is "Living God's Word"  It's basically about learning to apply God's word in my life.  This study places a lot of emphasis on memorization of scripture of which I am horrible at.  I should really say I choose not to be good at it.  For years I have retained all the great rock songs of the 70's and I mean word for word remembering.  I could totally win "Name That Tune"  For those of you who are wondering what is she talking about...what show??..what year??...whatever...the point I am trying to make is that I wish I had chosen to take scripture that seriously.  I chose to follow Christ in my late teen years so I was kind of new to the whole Christian walk thing as I was busy listening to all that wonderful pop music.  I still shudder as I occasionally hear "One Tin Soldier"  those words are awful and I still know them by heart.  Ladies God's word changes the heart..I am finally choosing to memorize scripture.  The verse for this week is I Peter 5:7..Casting all your care upon him, because he cares about you.  That verse jumped out at me and I pondered on it for a long time into the night (sleeping issues).  Really grabbing a hold of "because he cares about me"  Does it mean that if I don't cast my cares upon him He doesn't care about me..thank heavens ..no!  The word because changes everything. The privilege of casting my cares upon him is simply that.  We can cast our cares upon him BECAUSE he cares for us already.  He wants my cares...imagine that..wanting someones problems.  I like to think I can help people with their problems..but I don't know if casting them on me is something I can really do.  When you cast a fishing rod you cast it far away only to bring it back when the line snags a fish.  God wants me to cast my cares like the line.  He does not want me reeling them back in when I hit a snag that paralyzes me.  Imagine casting your cares to him and he like the fish grabs the care(bait) and snaps the line and we never carry that burden again.  Right...easier said than done..I live there.  I cast but I make sure that line is attached in case God can't handle it.  I reel it back time and time again and it gets heavier every time.  In verse 5 of that same chapter it says ...God resists the proud,but gives grace to the humble".  So here we go again it is a pride thing to continually keep my cares.  I am assuming God can't, but I can.. fix it that is.  Will I ever get it????  My daughter is in the midst of trying to sell her house..asap.  My great words of wisdom.."Molly God is in control.  Let him have this burden.  I find myself hanging up the phone and saying to myself "man how in the world is that house going to sell?"   My other daughter Angel called me today with similar issues.  I actually prayed for her right away.  She said to me " it's like putting your faith into practice..huh? "   Well at least I made one good cast today.  Sorry Molly..your mama may have a few flaws.  I am still learning to cast and I am still learning to be humble enough to let go of the line when it snags.  Ladies I challenge you to memorize I Peter 5:5-7.  When those burdens arise quote this over and over again...it is absolute freedom!!

My week started today as my little Piper was at home with her mama Friday and Monday.  Tuesday couldn't get here fast enough.  She is the joy of my day.  She got her ears pierced on Saturday..she looks fabulous...I am so blessed to be able to be a part of her life.  When the cares of my world get heavy I look at Piper and know that she holds the key.  She trusts me for all of her needs when she is here.  She doesn't think about it she just does it.  I want to be like Piper...as a child casting all my cares upon Him.  Thanks Erica..see I learn from  Piper all the time!

Leaving Deep Footprints

I was able to spend a wonderful weekend in the mountains of North Carolina this past weekend.  I used to attend this particular ladies retreat way back when I was first married.  As I drove around the beautiful facility I was reminded of all of the different buildings I had stayed in through the years.  That little ride down memory lane also sparked the spiritual journey I had traveled on through the years at the annual " Ladies Retreat ".  The first retreat I attended was when my daughter was only four months old.  I left her feeling totally guilty.  I met another mom at the retreat that had her four month old with her...she was nursing...guilt again.  I proceeded to hear from God that weekend and came home changed for a time.  I attended many more retreats and for the life of me I can't really remember a lot of life changing moments that lasted from those retreats.  So back to this weekend's retreat I decided that I was going to really seek the Lord during all of the meetings and come home changed.  The theme of the weekend was leaving footprints for others that come behind us.  The theme of the year for our Alliance Women has been " On the Move ".  We had a mother and daughter  team  that spoke from their experiences.  They have both been missionaries to foreign countries for years.  I really liked the mom and all she had to say.  She was older and chubby and took life not so seriously.  It was obvious she loved the Lord and depended on him for life in general.  She spoke during the last meeting of the weekend.  She spoke about being still and resting in God.  I feel like I spend a lot of time being still (physically that is)..but I don't spend a lot of time resting in God.  Really being still and listening for that small quite voice.  Not worrying about every little thing.  One statement that was made by another missionary was "worrying is momentary atheism".  I have been trying to process "being still and not worrying" together as a something I really want to put into practice in my life.  She quoted Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence...,"  I don't think my soul ever waits in complete silence.  Palms 46:10 states"Be still and know that I am God"...so....being still gives me a chance to know God..awesome.  " Lord help me to be still".  I really want to know you.

On a lighter side the highlight of my weekend was spending time with my dear friend Cindy.  We laughed and laughed had wonderful adventures and grew in God together.  I was thinking back over past retreats and realized "ladies retreat" is the key.  I may not remember every spiritual truth but I still cherish the friendships that were created during all of those weekends.  Friendships that were bonded in tears and laughter and making commitments to the Lord together.  I believe women need women and it's during those retreat weekends that women learn to know that it's okay not to be perfect..we all relate somehow in our womanhood.  I spent Saturday night laughing and sharing with two women who are my daughter's age.  We hung out until 3:00 in the morning.  I spent time with my sisters from my former church.  God encouraged me with their fellowship that I have missed so much.  Laughing and sharing into the night will keep that bond alive.  God is good!!  I love Ladies Retreat!!

So bringing all of this together.  Through the years there have been women who left deep footprints of faith and encouragement to me during those short little weekends.  I came home being encouraged by spiritual giants...  My hope and prayer is I will step up and down firm into the life of another woman.  That I will leave a footprint of encouragement and happy laughter in the Lord.  Lord you are so good...let that be the deep foundation in all of my steps as I walk this journey with you.

P.S. Molly you are still my favorite retreat roomie..I love you baby and miss you much!

I am refusing...okay???

I know a day behind almost....Well as I ponder this past week I find myself growing everyday...and I don't mean more spiritual...I am gaining weight like crazy!.  For those of you who know me you remember I lost a whole bunch of weight a little over a year ago.  I lost over 70 lbs. and was thrilled to be back into a size 14 and on a good day a size 12.  I breathed a big sigh of relief and thought this is it I have arrived at a healthy weight.  Are you kidding me I was looking hot and I felt every bit good about it.  I attributed my weight loss to a stomach issue that forbade me to eat what I liked and therefore I lost weight.  I gave all the credit to God for allowing me to have the stomach issue thus he got the glory for the weight loss.  Well here we are today heavier and unhappy about it.  I knew I was in trouble last week when I had a doctors visit and the sweet little nurse asked me happily "can you just hop on to these scales?'.  To my complete surprise I said "NO",  "I can't...I mean I am refusing..okay?"  I thought to myself, self you are 52 years old and you don't have to get on those scales if you don't want to.  The nurse again explained to me that they really liked to have a weight recording on every visit and  I told her "and again I am refusing".  As I followed her to the exam room I began to second guess my behavior and I really had to replay my conversation to her to decide if I was rude or not...at the expense of having to get on those scales I decided nope you were within your rights.  I rationalized all the way home as to the reason why I am gaining weight again.  I half way convinced myself it's the menopause spread....no, I miss my kids so I am eating too much....no face it Kelley you have taken back control over issues that you cannot control .  Hmmm do I pray that stomach issue returns???  I have now faced reality..God wants control over all of my life.  I remembered when I was losing weight my focal point was off food and my walk with Jesus was key.  Now I humbly admit my focal point has once again become food and my walk with the Lord seems more distant.  Girls why do I always end up back at this point.  I truly want my walk with Jesus to be second nature.  Like after you have driven a car for years it becomes second nature you don't think about it you just do it.  I have known the Lord for 38 years and still somehow I am having to think about it instead of just doing it.  I love the Lord with all of my heart.  I don't want to just recognize the verse " his mercies are new everyday..," I want to know it to the depths of my heart, mind and soul.  So today I am refusing to follow my heart and my mind and soul..which are as fickle as the day is long.  I am choosing to follow the Holy Spirit which inhabits those places.  He is steadfast and not fickle and he is definitely not hungry 24 hours a day.  Today is all I can promise.  In all of reality really minute by minute on many days.  Jesus loves me this I know.  For the Bible tells me so..this is what I stand on today!

Am I Really Ready????

Well what a weekend I have had.  I started my weekend on Friday with learning the results of my blood work.  I was expecting low thyroid and low Vitamin D levels.  Well of course my thyroid was normal and my vitamin D level was bottomed out, my cholesterol was horrible.  So the fun began.  I was instantly mad at myself for letting my cholesterol get so out of control.  This menopause thing has been trying to say the least.  My Doc being the MAN that he is said" let me add something to help with that anxiety". " Okay"....I am in a fog and say "okay".  After all I do want to feel better.  So Friday night after a heated debate with my husband about absolutely nothing I decided I was stressed and I am going to take the new medicine.  I swallowed that baby about 9:oo pm and by 11:30 pm it was on.  Major brain swooshing and numbness and tingling and heat under the skin...I was having a major reaction!!!  In all of my dysfunction I went into the living room after googling this medication I  couldn't even read the print.  I thought I will handle this on my own I can do this.  My husband lay two doors down asleep and oblivious to my plight.  Hmmmm most women would have called help!!!!  No not me be stoic old girl..you are strong...well after about 45 minutes of this and I was getting worse I finally called for help...not my husband mind you,but the Lord Jesus Christ...I thought I am dying Lord help me!!!I sat and thought I don't want Billy to find me dead in this chair and I don't want to die while Molly is in Toledo (random I know) .  I than really began to think Lord am I really ready to meet you tonight?  Have I accomplished all you have had for me to do?  Can I leave my family,my grand babies?  I cried out to him Lord please help me!  I felt horrible in the flesh,but in my Spirit I was longing for peace in this whole thing.  Again I cried out to him "Lord help me...make this go away"...I began to sense a calm in Spirit...Kelley call for your husband.....Billy was snoring like a freight train and I thought he will never hear me.  I couldn't get up at this point so thank the Lord in my forgetfulness that seems to plague me I forgot to hang up the phone so it sat right next me.  Call him on his cell phone..okay that  was a thought.  I called him and it rang and rang and he had stopped snoring so I called"BILLY"  "huh what"..he came running.  I told him I was having a reaction to some medication...call 911.."okay wait a second I have to go to the bathroom"  are you kidding me call 911 or take me to the emergency room..he walked off.."Lord he is really going to the bathroom" I sat there stunned and then brain swooshing started again.....I made a quick run to the bathroom and then fell into bed.  By this time Billy was dressed and ready to go..he said"do I really need to call 911?"  At this point I am not really functioning with the whole question and answer thing.."can you get dressed"  " I don't think so"  finally all I could say was "you just need to pray for me".  Billy laid hands on me and prayed for healing and clear direction on what we should do.  He stressed that I was in trouble and "Lord please touch her right now"  I immediately begin to feel relief from the funny breathing and some of the tingling.  The waves were coming more slowly and I was beginning to rest.  It was now about 4:00am.  I began to dose on and off and Billy continued to pray for me as we waited...Finally it was beginning to get light outside and I thought as Billy began snoring once again.  I thought Lord I made it....you touched me and I know you have more for me to do.  Hmmm the moral of this story...you got me??  I thought I was at a point of maturity in my spiritual walk...I thought I could just say Lord I am ready to go...The bigger thought has been how I don't rely on my husband the way I should.  He is my protector,my friend,my prayer warrior and I find myself going to him less and less and becoming this woman that needs to be independent...why???  That's what I will dissect this week.  I have a wonderful husband that loves me beyond belief.  His first question to me during the crisis was"why didn't you call me right away".  I am realizing my need for control continues to rob me of a many a blessing. Ahh don't you just love life and all of its twists and turns.  I am better now..no more side effects and no more taking that!!!!.  God never left nor turned away from me during that storm.. Bless his holy name.  I am praying that I will learn to utilize the help-meet he gave me.  Have a fabulous week!

The First Of Many Thoughts

Well here I go. I have several friends that post on blog sites and I always appreciate reading their thoughts. I spend a lot of time at home and I have a lot of thoughts just swarming in this head of mine. I have decided this is a great way to journal as well as vent. I feel like this will be great way to show the power of Jesus flowing through my life when I yield to him. There is a verse in the bible that talks about still water becoming stagnant; however running water doesn't. I may feel like I am drowning,but Jesus tells me I won't I stand on his word and all that it promises me.
I spent time with two of my dear friends today that I sing with. We practice once a week and I always look forward to spending time in fellowship and song and prayer. My friend Pam is a young mama and has found herself staying at home after a recent lay off from her full time job in the working world. I had forgotten how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. I  have always counted it a privilege to have been able to stay at home. I seem to remember the happy highlights of being at home, but I had forgotten until today how the mundane things during that time in my life were so huge and disheartening. Not finishing the laundry, not fixing a three course meal, not getting the house clean used to throw me into a web of low self esteem and then of course I would talk to one of my working mom friends and really feel like I was absolutely worthless. As I was sharing with Pam today some simple advice that might help her get through her day feeling victorious. I thought to myself Kelley you are giving advice from your experiences...am I old??...no I choose to know that I am finally getting to a place where God can use me where I am at.  I may be over 50 and menopausal and lonely for my children but I do have something to offer. Thank you Lord for always finding a way to show me purpose for my life. My husband and I make pottery and we also share a ministry using the pottery wheel. My husband Billy often refers to us sitting on the wheel like the clay and just spinning after we have become centered in Christ. We are content is being saved and sitting back and watching. When I turned 50 I felt like that clay. When my kids moved away and took my grand babies I was totally spinning out of control in self pity. I just sat back and froze..doing nothing. I asked my husband "well now what do we do?". He looked at me like I was crazy and said "are you kidding me..we are free" I am thinking free to do what. He proceeded to tell me "we can really find out what God's plan is for us now that we don't have kids at home". I am just now beginning to see the bigger picture. If my kids were all here I would be so immersed in their lives I would not have time to do what God really needs me to do. I spent my life molding them for their futures. God is nudging me ever so gently forward to new things in him without my kids. Hmmm imagine that life without kids. I am saddling up this is my new adventure!!! My friends were right this blogging is a eye opener. So my first blog completed. Thanks Pammie for the chance to feel needed.