All I can say is " I SWANEE ". Just when I think my life might be slowing down a little...here we go again. First of all my husband's scans all came back normal so we are looking toward surgery sometime in June. We now have a plan and are moving forward. When we went to the cancer center to talk with the radiology oncologist I had to wait while they took Billy back. I sat there and looked around at so many sick people. Some with no hair, some in wheel chairs and some that looked so sick. I thought wow we are really in the cancer world now. I told the Lord I don't really want to be here. I think I have learned something from all of this so I want Billy to be cancer free right now. The Lord keeps reminding me that His ways are not mine so I sit back and rest in that. So many things are getting ready to change in our lives. I am trying really hard to find comfort in His word and looking for His face in all of this. Psalm 34: 8 " Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him." I want to live by that. I want my refuge to be in him.
My mom was re-admitted to the hospital last night. That's the " I Swanee part ". She went in on Memorial Day and was released Thursday only to be admitted in the wee hours of Saturday morning . Monday her heart rate was 40 and Friday her heart rate was 135. My mom is calm and has always been regal in every way. Last night I watched as she thrashed all over the bed agitated and out of her mind. She was so sick. I prayed more than once " Lord what is the purpose in all of this? Take her home." I had to rest in him again and know that we live in a fallen world and he doesn't like to see her suffer anymore than I do. My mom loves the Lord with all of her heart. She is ready to go...but again he always has purpose in all he does. How did life get so tough. I am reminded of Peter in the boat during the storm and as Jesus approached he didn't hesitate to step out onto the water as Jesus was walking on the water and calling to him. He stepped out bravely and began to walk and then looked down at the swirling sea below him and began to fear and sink. I know I am in the midst of a stormy sea and that I am trying to step out bravely into it.....my resolve is to keep my eyes on the Savior and not sink. The enemy continues to throw out false life savers...I have to keep my eyes on the Savior! He tells me as He told Peter " Don't be afraid. " " Take courage I am here!" Lord thank you for all of the good you place in my life and all of the bad. I am taking courage because I know you are here. Thanks to my sisters who have been praying for me so diligently. Love you all