I just got back from a wonderful dinner with whom my husband calls "The Mob " This group of ladies are sisters in Christ that I am honored to call friends. We laugh together ( a lot ) we cry together and we absolutley pray together. Tonight we laughed a lot.
My mom is in a nursing home and is suffering with Alzheimers disease. My mom is 85 and she is lovely. She still thinks it's important to put her make up on everyday and hates it when she doesn't remember to comb her hair. She still likes creases in her slacks and won't wear a shirt if it looks wrinkled. She is confined to a wheelchair but still insists ( on a good day ) to walk me out when I am leaving. One of her biggest fears was that she would grow old and lose her mind and she never wanted to be a burden. I wrote a couple of weeks ago that she was in the hospital and I really thought we were going to lose her. Her weeks of recovery since then have been well hilarious. We started back in a new room at the facility because I didn't have three hundred dollars a day to hold her room. She stayed a total of 3 days in the new room and we had to move her because of bad care on that hall. So we decided to move her back to her old room minus her window view. Needless to say all of the above sent her mind in to orbit...literally! I came in the first day back to check on her and she was flying on a plane. She was flying on an international flight and she couldn't believe I was late. She remained on that flight for 14 days. She stayed in a lovely resort that my brother Jeff had stayed with her that night and she couldn't believe he had "wallered in that bed next to her and left it that way" Well for those of you who know my mom she was not raised in the South and I have never heard her say "waller" in my life. She also has been grinding her teeth which sends me into orbit and I told her on one of those flying days that she had to stop grinding her teeth and she poked me in the leg and said "well when you get me off this plane I will stop grinding my teeth" I thought to myself I can't get you off this plane! So I went home. Her new roomate is Mary and she is 95. I introduce myself to Mary everytime I visit and then I introduce her to my mom and my mom to her. This is 3 times a week we do this. I hear them exchange niceties and they both share their ages but this week my mom told Mary "you have asked me 85 times how old I am and I have told you 85 times I am 85!" Then she leaned over to me and asked "now who is she?" Last week some time I came in and checked with her nurse first to see how Mom was and Donna informed me "she has landed" So suddenly the trip was over and she remembers nothing. Hopefully you are chuckling....come on now you have to laugh. Putting my mother in an institution was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving her there every time I visit is awful. Just knowing that her mind slips a little each week is heartbreaking, but God in all of his mercy and grace has given my mom adventures that she never got to experience. She raised 4 kids instead and loved each one of us well. She always wanted to travel and now she gets to. She meets new people every day even though I know Mary sleeps in the same room. She has conversations with her Dad and her grandma Momma Mae. Last week she got in trouble for climbing Momma Mae's crab apple tree. I asked her why she was climbing the crab apple tree and she said it made "Momma Mae crabby" he he. One of my mom's best qualities is her laughter. She doesn't laugh much anymore so to hear her humor is a blessing to me. God has chosen to bless my mom with peace. She is not afraid and not anxious. She is always ready to go home to heaven. She thinks my Pastor has a little crush on her, but told me not to tell his wife. We live in a fallen world but we have to find laughter in some of all of this chaos. I imagine Jesus chose some of his disciples for their laughter. My mom has been faithful in her walk with the Lord and he continues to be faithful to her by blessing her inspite of this disease with happy thoughts. One of the sweetest times I have experieinced with my mom was over lunch in her room and she bowed to bless the food and prayed for what seemed like forever. It was the sweetest prayer I have ever heard. She mostly repeated "I love you Jesus and I know you love me" He gives her what she needs to sustain her peace during these last days and he gives me laughter as I watch her become childlike in all she does. She still ends all of her visits with me " I love you too honey" now thats still my mom in there. I love you Mom so very much. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Friday, August 1, 2014
It has been a full year! Wow I must admit this is pathetic. A whole year since my last blog. Many ups and downs. At times the downs seemed to be taking over. We have survived prostate cancer and now diabetes II. I told my husband the deal was you were not supposed to get sick this summer. I absolutely forbid it! So I guess I am still not in charge. I think the saddest part of my year was losing my high school friend Mary to the evil-C ( as she called it). Mary and I reconnected on a classmate site. It was so fun catching up and we continued to keep up with each other on FB. I met Mary in the 8th grade. I was new to this particular small MN town and she was nice to me within the 1st couple of weeks of school. We lost contact for years and then poof Mary reentered my life. I got to see her last May. It was as if no time had passed at all. We shared so many interests with the most important being our kids and grandkids. I know she is with Jesus, but I miss her so. We will meet again sweet friend. Billy and I have had many ups and downs with our parents. Most recently with my mom being in the hospital. I really thought I was going to lose her. She had some sort of wacko throat infection. She was on a ventilator for 3 days. Her heart stopped 3 times. At her age of 85 they will let them go when the heart stops. Mom's heart just started beating on its own. God is not finished with her yet. All of this to say life is not easy and finding joy within all of the chaos is hard. Billy and I were talking about where had our joy gone. He mentioned "the joy of the Lord is our strength". I pondered on that all day today. I was putting all of my mother's things away after moving her to a new room. I watched her sleep and really thought how does the joy of the Lord affect me? I seem to lose it at the drop of a pin. I eventually find it, but always the long way around. Do I grow on those detours? I don't think so. They are my detours. I choose a different path when I step away from joy. So in essence I am stepping away from the Lord who is my joy. The key is my joy means nothing. "The joy of the Lord is my strength." I think he takes joy in me when I remain close to him and let him take care of me. Not my joy in the Lord, but the actual joy of the Lord. I think the sweet name of Jesus is joy, his presence in my life is joy. I remember telling Mary a couple of months before she left this world that sometimes just saying the name of Jesus will give you that sweet peace. She told me that she had done that many times when she was afraid or sad and it was working. We can't work for joy He is joy! I am praying that God will remind me of that daily. God never moves it is always me. I am so thankful he is true to his many promises. "The joy of the Lord is my strength"! Now that's a good one.
You know I really do like blogging.
You know I really do like blogging.