This all began as my husband was teaching Sunday school and it was continually all about "selling all that you have and give to the poor and follow me" (Jesus). We had known for probably 2 years that we were not in the right place. We were so restless and just couldn't figure out why. We loved our home and love our church family but we knew that God was quickly closing that door. We were offered an opportunity to consider. It was doing ministry in inner city Cleaveland,OH. We were ready to jump and go so we put our house up for sale and it was under contract within weeks. We continued to pray for peace about Cleveland and it just didn't come....oh great we sold our house...what are we going to do now?????? Thus began our journey to this cabin. Never in a million years did I think we would ever make this our permanent home. We are our on a beautiful spot and I see wildlife and I hear the river at night....but we are in the middle of nowhere!!! It's just Billy and I. Yes he is with me all of the time and yes he follows me everywhere and you know what? It's been really good for us. We drive each other a little crazy, but this how it all began. Just the two of us. I told him the other day that I feel like our lives just stopped and here we are alone and just really what are we doing? He reminded me that God has a plan for us. My mind and heart had lost it's focus and I am slowly rebuilding that relationship with Jesus. Ladies we talk a lot about those masks we wear and believe you me I am really good at it. I think ever since Billy was diagnosed with cancer I went into the "I got this" mode and I stayed there. The Lord helps them who helps themselves...right??? Wrong that's not Biblical!! In the months away I have heard sermons from my son-in-law and my own son that have rocked my thinking about being in control. My son spoke about how deep do you really want to go with Jesus? I heard from our new pastor tonight (yes we are attending a new little church) about how self centered we are and that makes us a lot like the prodical son. I think I am finally waking up and seeing how God has moved me to get my attention by stopping my whole world and taking me so far out of my comfort zone that I have to rely on him. Oh I think he has plans for us and has ministry waiting on us..but I am seeing how much he yearns for my fellowship. He has changed my whole world to make me seek his face. I am special in his eyes and I had forgotten that. Ladies that I love and miss so much hear my heart and realize how much our Father loves you and hears you and wants to love you intimately. This is not punishment for me not flying straight. This is the love of the Father that desires my full attention because I am his daughter. He is lifting my chin up that I may look into his face without shame. I just get to do all of that surrounded by his beauty and with my best friend and love of my life. I miss my friends and family so very much and my heart aches at times for their smilng faces. I miss my mother so very much. I know there is purpose behind all of this and I am thankful that Jesus loves me enough to get my attention. I promise my future blogs will be more often as I finally have time to think. Hey it's 12:19 am...yikes...no wait I can sleep in. 