Patience..here we go again

Patient is a word I have always loathed.  As I get older I realize maybe I have more of that then I thought.  My nature has always been pretty easy going.  I used to have to share a room with either of my sisters because I always got along with everyone.  I am the middle child and the old motto "there is always tomorrow"  has been my motto.  I can wait for a parking space, I can wait for the person in line without any trouble, but I have been thinking that waiting on the Lord is the hardest.  I am impatient for an answer and just how things are going to look in 2 years.  Of course any wise Christian woman knows that God's timing is everything.  His timing is always right, but not always easy to wait on.  We learned in our Bible study on James that we always have trying times in-between the rains.  Farmers wait on autumn rains and springs rains according to James 5:7-11.  it becomes so clear that we all have to wait until the rain appears.  We know it's coming but we get impatient and then we usually stray in some way from God's loving arms to venture out into the dry fields that bring no fruit.  In other words we dry up spiritually when all we do is tap our fingers waiting for God to move on our time.  Impatience brings depression into my life in a heartbeat.  Impatience causes me to doubt God's love and care for me.  Waiting on the Lord could be really productive if I let it be.  Beth Moore encouraged us to use those dry times to speak truth into others lives.  God always has a plan but I have to learn that in order to wait means being still and knowing that he is God.  Not lifeless but quiet in spirit resting before him.  I have also learned that God does not always move in my direction he sits and waits for me to be quiet and then He shares the direction I need to go...not always the whole plan but a direction.  The sweet little girl I keep during the week has really brought that home to me this week.  She is a busy little thing and has decided that every time she wants to go in a new direction she comes and grabs my hand and says "mon mon".  I find myself getting up at her every direction change (she is just so darn cute).  Today I decided we needed to work on being patient that Lita can't get up every time Piper wants to move.  She actually is learning to be patient and reoccupying herself with something until I go in a direction.  I had such a mental picture today of the Lord sitting before me and I running to him and and grabbing  his hand and saying "come on Lord let's go this way"  and he gently tells me "Kelley wait on me to get up and show you where to go and I will hold your hand as we go.  The fun part of walking with Piper is her little hand in mine and her complete trust that I will guide her to a place of fun (usually) but always feeling safe as we go.  I picture my hand in the Lords hand and I find myself trusting his direction and always feeling safe.  The trick is waiting on him to move in a  direction and the real test is learning to reoccupy myself with something that will continue to bring him glory and further the kingdom until I feel his hand leading me.  Now Piper has not mastered all of this she still is impatient and she still is set on always pointing to the place she wants to go.  God is so awesome that he allows me to keep this sweet baby and learn so much from her little self.  I am learning to wait on the rains this week. It has been a very trying week and I forgot to wait on the Lord and I let go of his hand and went in my own direction....tonight I know I once again have a hold of his hand and I am confident in his leading and oh how he loves me so even when I stomp my feet and say "mon mon" just like when I look down at that sweet face of Piper and think oh how I love her so when she stomps those little feet of impatience .  Wow what we learn from the people God sets in our life!  Sweet Pipey!

I am one week away from being 53 ahhhhhh!!!!

Wow what a title huh?  I am soon to be 53.  I always ponder over my life about this same time every February.  My February always begins with remembering  my Dad's birthday which landed on the 5th.  I woke up that day wishing my Daddy a happy birthday and also wondering if we still will do that in heaven..you know have a birthday cake and all that stuff or will the time we spend there just get swallowed up because we will be there forever...hmmmm such things to think about.  I know when Valentines Day rolls around I am close to turning another year older..then on the 24th I wish my Grandpa Kullman a happy birthday and always cry because I still miss him after all these years.  What an impact that man left on my life.  He was a safe haven for me and I felt totally loved unconditionally by him.  On my 16th birthday he called me and asked when the date was going to be.  I sat and thought okay what am I missing?  He proceeded to tell me that when I was 5 years old I told him I was going to marry him when I turned 16...he still remembered and what another endearing memory he created for me that day.  I want to be a endearing memory creator.  I miss a lot of opportunities to spend with my grand kids and it always makes me sad.  I have been reorganizing my photos on my new computer and I have gone over hundreds of pictures of all the times I have spent with my babies and the wonderful memories we have created.  A week here and there have been precious times and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  As I thought about my grandfather I realized  we only saw them once a year and he was my favorite person.  He was able to cram all the fun and love into about 2 weeks of memories  and I never forgot them.  Just random thoughts..no sadness of my upcoming birthday just a huge appreciation for what God has given me and that the plans he has for me are not to harm me.  He loves me more than I will ever understand on this side of heaven.  I know when I see his face everything will become clear and that his love that runs so deep will be there for me to see for an eternity.   A few random things I have learned in this past year is that when you are trying to decide if it's an or a the an always come before a word that starts with a vowel.  That if you feed a baby peas and pintos all in one day the next day you are really going to regret it.  That I really don't like my animals as much as I thought I did.  Most importantly that prayer is vital in my walk with Jesus.  God taught me that lesson over and over again when my son was waiting to hear from a new church pastor position.  I prayed Lord help my unbelief and prayed with faith knowing he would get that position. He has been there almost 3 months and God is faithful.  Maybe I should finish this tomorrow I am sleep typing and it shows.  I am backkkkkk.  Well it doesn't look as bad I thought it would.  I am not sure why the urge to blog always hits me at 11:30 at night.  I also learned that a shrew is a real live little animal that my daughter-in-law caught in a mouse trap last spring.  I had to research that little guys face to figure out that is wasn't a mutant mouse.  My biggest desire every year is to see what kind of growth I have had in the Lord since last birthday.  We had lots of changes this last year and I really had to look to the Lord for insight and wisdom in each situation.  He proves over and over  again that He is faithful!  Even when I don't trust him for the answers and hobble on my own he continues to be faithful.  What an awesome God we serve.  Ladies I would be lying if I acted as though there have not been dry times in my walk this year.  There have been and I know that as he heard Hagar's cries in the desert he hears mine if I only call out to him.  I am finally learning to call out to him on a regular basis.  He yearns to hear my voice.  He is my knight in shining armor!  As I finally get to an end with this pocketful of random thoughts I learned last night that we are to be little moons.  The moon actually reflects light from the sun and we are to reflect the light of who Jesus really is..in other words we are to be little moons that reflect the light of the SON to a dark world.  I really want to be a moon this next year!!!  Thank you Jesus for who you are and that you love me so.  One final thought I have been reminded many times this year that when I have an urge to tell the Lord "I love you"  it's because He said it first.  Cool huh?