I am one week away from being 53 ahhhhhh!!!!

Wow what a title huh?  I am soon to be 53.  I always ponder over my life about this same time every February.  My February always begins with remembering  my Dad's birthday which landed on the 5th.  I woke up that day wishing my Daddy a happy birthday and also wondering if we still will do that in heaven..you know have a birthday cake and all that stuff or will the time we spend there just get swallowed up because we will be there forever...hmmmm such things to think about.  I know when Valentines Day rolls around I am close to turning another year older..then on the 24th I wish my Grandpa Kullman a happy birthday and always cry because I still miss him after all these years.  What an impact that man left on my life.  He was a safe haven for me and I felt totally loved unconditionally by him.  On my 16th birthday he called me and asked when the date was going to be.  I sat and thought okay what am I missing?  He proceeded to tell me that when I was 5 years old I told him I was going to marry him when I turned 16...he still remembered and what another endearing memory he created for me that day.  I want to be a endearing memory creator.  I miss a lot of opportunities to spend with my grand kids and it always makes me sad.  I have been reorganizing my photos on my new computer and I have gone over hundreds of pictures of all the times I have spent with my babies and the wonderful memories we have created.  A week here and there have been precious times and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  As I thought about my grandfather I realized  we only saw them once a year and he was my favorite person.  He was able to cram all the fun and love into about 2 weeks of memories  and I never forgot them.  Just random thoughts..no sadness of my upcoming birthday just a huge appreciation for what God has given me and that the plans he has for me are not to harm me.  He loves me more than I will ever understand on this side of heaven.  I know when I see his face everything will become clear and that his love that runs so deep will be there for me to see for an eternity.   A few random things I have learned in this past year is that when you are trying to decide if it's an or a the an always come before a word that starts with a vowel.  That if you feed a baby peas and pintos all in one day the next day you are really going to regret it.  That I really don't like my animals as much as I thought I did.  Most importantly that prayer is vital in my walk with Jesus.  God taught me that lesson over and over again when my son was waiting to hear from a new church pastor position.  I prayed Lord help my unbelief and prayed with faith knowing he would get that position. He has been there almost 3 months and God is faithful.  Maybe I should finish this tomorrow I am sleep typing and it shows.  I am backkkkkk.  Well it doesn't look as bad I thought it would.  I am not sure why the urge to blog always hits me at 11:30 at night.  I also learned that a shrew is a real live little animal that my daughter-in-law caught in a mouse trap last spring.  I had to research that little guys face to figure out that is wasn't a mutant mouse.  My biggest desire every year is to see what kind of growth I have had in the Lord since last birthday.  We had lots of changes this last year and I really had to look to the Lord for insight and wisdom in each situation.  He proves over and over  again that He is faithful!  Even when I don't trust him for the answers and hobble on my own he continues to be faithful.  What an awesome God we serve.  Ladies I would be lying if I acted as though there have not been dry times in my walk this year.  There have been and I know that as he heard Hagar's cries in the desert he hears mine if I only call out to him.  I am finally learning to call out to him on a regular basis.  He yearns to hear my voice.  He is my knight in shining armor!  As I finally get to an end with this pocketful of random thoughts I learned last night that we are to be little moons.  The moon actually reflects light from the sun and we are to reflect the light of who Jesus really is..in other words we are to be little moons that reflect the light of the SON to a dark world.  I really want to be a moon this next year!!!  Thank you Jesus for who you are and that you love me so.  One final thought I have been reminded many times this year that when I have an urge to tell the Lord "I love you"  it's because He said it first.  Cool huh?