Well it is 3:24 in the afternoon and I have stolen away to write a few thoughts. My hubby is fast asleep taking a much needed nap. He is recovering from prostate surgery. He has been a super good sport and I have grown so accustomed to his foley catheter bag I find myself double checking if he has it by his side. I usually get pretty squeamish about such things,but the Lord has given me extra strength. We are having our devotions in the mornings. We are doing a study all about God's promises. It's been fun to study together. The pathology report was not exactly what we had hoped for. They think they got it all,but oh yeah there is one corner of the margin that showed cancer cells..whatever...I need truth right up front. We have to wait another 6 weeks to find out the real truth and we might be looking at radiation after that. It truly is in God's hands. Last year at this time we were recovering emotionally from my mother-law's death and I remember Billy saying life is forever changing. He said who knows what next year will bring..wow was that an understatement or what. I hated the word cancer last year and I hate it now. I am learning to rely on God's presence in my life and the fact that he will not leave me hanging in this trial. It's funny how Billy is the one with cancer,but I swan nee I feel like someone punched me in the stomach because I can't breathe at times. I look at him resting and all that lies ahead and I panic. I also know that God is NOT the author of fear and fear is a lack of faith. In Deuteronomy 31:8 it says "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you: he will not leave or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. I am standing on that promise and I really do take comfort in that.
I had the privilege of taking care of my granddaughter Rylie and my grandson Hudson a week before Billy's surgery. Wow now that was fun! God's timing is always so perfect. He knows when you need joy you can actually hold onto. We will see them soon and my daughter Molly and her family are coming tomorrow. Family really sets things right in so many ways.
My final thought is this "Lord make me a willing servant" I am learning this everyday as I care for my husband. I don't say that lightly. I am finding out that when he is at work all day I really do what I want as far as my schedule goes. I mean really who talks a mile a minute at 6:30 am with a bowl of cereal waiting. I am still trying to measure my coffee. Who eats at 11:00 am for lunch?? I guess when you eat at 6:30 am that makes sense. Who watches Gunsmoke 12 hours a day??? I am starting to really like Chester! I love my husband and I have always thought I was a pretty good helpmate,but I am finding that my servant hood is lacking. Every time I get a little attitude I am reminded "Kelley be a loving servant" I know God is using this part of this adventure to teach me that. God is good all of the time even through prostate cancer.
Thank you all of my dear sisters who are praying for us. My prayers are running deep for a friend who's husband is really sick. God is good all of the time... life stuff is not good but, God is!
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